Gimli's Gatlinburg Trail Confession

Approaching the Trailhead

Going for rides in the car are fun.  But on a scale from (1)being in timeout to (10)peeing in the cat's cardboard haunted house, I would place it somewhere in the middle around (5), playing with the rainbow dragon toy mom got me from Target.  That's all car rides are:  fun.  Fun is average.  But walking on the leash with mom and/or dad is definitely in an entirely different category.  It's fun, but on Milk-Bone steroids.  Like when dad takes me to Bass Pro and buys me some beef jerky steak strips to share with him.  Or  better yet, when he gets me the steak strips and wraps them in colby jack cheese.  My mouth is watering and messing up the journal papers.  Moving on.    

Anyways, when dad told me we were going on a "hike", I did that weird head tilt that all humans think is s'cute, because I genuinely had no clue what a "hike" is.  Could it be a new treat that comes in the mail once a month from Chewy?  Or could it be a new Netflix show mom begs dad to watch with her?  I don't know, but what I do know is this: dad is taking me on one, and we have to hop in the "Green Machine" (Dad's Subaru Forester) first.  So as I write this down, we are having fun.  

We've been in the car for like 500 minutes (dog time) and dad keeps listening to very violent sounding music.  It kind of sounds like the the little humans that live on the other side of the fence behind the house who poke me with sticks and scream at each other while rolling in the grass.  It's strange, I roll in the grass and slobber and kick and growl and sneeze, but I don't even know how to scream.  It's weird, and that is exactly how dad's music sounds like in the car.  But all is good because I snuck one of the spikey-pokey ball thingies into the car that fall off the trees in the back of the yard.  That will help distract me for the next 500 minutes.

The car just came to a stop and dad is gathering his belongings in the front, including the bags he picks my poop up with.  That could only mean one thing: we are at the "hike"!  As dad tells me to "come" out of the car, he says, "Let's go for a walk Gimli".  A walk? seriously?  That's what a hike is? This is going to be great.  Forget the cheese wrapped jerky, walking outside with other nice dogs and humans and trees and warm weather... is this dog Valhalla?  

Dad hooks the rope thing on my doggie necklace, locks the green machine, and tells me to "heel".  As we get close to the start of the "hike", there is a sign made of wood with human words on it.  Ok, pet-peeve time:  I cannot stand it when dad makes me sit, then proceeds to pull out his phone and takes pictures of me.  It is like the most embarrassing thing ever.  Especially when there are other dogs and humans walking around.  I hear their laughs.  So guess what he does, he makes me pose for pictures in front of this ugly wooden sign.  Alright.  This is it.  We are about to "hike" on the Gatlinburg Trail where other friendly dogs and humans have already started on this beautiful morning.  This is going to be an adventure to remember!  I love spending time walking in new places with mom and/or dad, and this new location is going to be another one for the books.

But first, I have to poop.  Get your bag out dad!